I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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