if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
