I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
