laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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