How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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