Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
