No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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