Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
