I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
