i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
