it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
