do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
