its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
