omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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