I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know her cup size but not her name....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
