question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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