Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sorry my hands just texted you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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