she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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