dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize