So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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