Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
