you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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