His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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