I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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