remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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