How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
