Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
