Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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