Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
