I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
