she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
