i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
