It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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