i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
