Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
