Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Text me some of your sweat
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