i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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