WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
