what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
