Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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