Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i think i have two assholes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
