sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
