Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
