How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
