guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I will pee on everything he values.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
