My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
