I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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