i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
