Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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