Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
