I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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