HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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