This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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