Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
