I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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