Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
