Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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