its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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