just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
