so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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