Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
