How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
